Experiencing the Palouse

Have you ever used a public toilet that has the automatic flushing capability and the thin paper lining for the seat? If not, you're in luck because this will help you in your future struggles. If you have, then you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that the experience can be slightly awkward and a bit frustrating but ultimately feeling good. If you are anything like me, you try to avoid using public toilets for as long as bearably possible, so when you finally have to take the plunge, it's relatively urgent. Swiftly, you enter the restroom and find a clear stall to plant your buds for the next few minutes. After wiping the seat of random piddle, while leaning forward, you get your lining from the back wall and tear out the center piece leaving the tongue-shaped part hanging, and precisely place it over the seat carefully covering the entire seat (not leaving a bit of it exposed - for those fellow germaphobes). Just dealing with the liner makes things a little awkward because it's always nice to "sit and go", like at home. As you raise back up to undo your pants, the flush begins and the swirling water grabs your paper hanging tongue to drag your lining away into the abyss of sewage. Ugh! This is where the frustration begins and has potential to climax at a very high level. At that point you either give up on the lining, if urgency is an issue; or you have to get creative to find a way to outsmart the "eye of the toilet" - you know, that motion detector that tells the water to flow because the squatter has left the seat, so don't delay. Well, here is my advice that has worked for me: act like a four year-old boy and pull your pants all the way down to your ankles before getting the lining from the back wall, then as soon as you have the lining placed, it is easy to spin around with your hiney to sit quickly enough that just in case the detector is especially sensitive, you will already be sitting on the liner to secure it from flushing down. Then you may proceed. If you don't outsmart the toilet quickly, the thing could flush about three to four times by the time you have safely sat on a liner-covered toilet seat. How does that conserve water? At least the toilet is not getting clogged, I suppose. No matter the outcome with the liner, you will always feel relieved and good that it's over.

So, the feelings of slight awkwardness, frustration, and ultimate relief describe my recent trip to Pullman, WA, for the Washington State Cougars football game against Montana State. First, I must clarify that I traveled with and kept company among three upstanding, wonderful gentlemen who are alums and huge supporters of the university. This is where part of the slight awkward feelings initiate, for I am not a huge supporter of the Cougars of the Palouse but a huge fan of Pac-10 football. These three, kind men took me under their wings (especially one in particular who had the extra ticket for me to go) and had me join them for the luncheon before the game, which is only for those who financially give back to the school (no small sum, I assume). This luncheon is put on by the president of the university. So, the second part of slight awkwardness was felt walking into a large room filled with crimson covered tables and delightful food in the back awaiting the elite members of this particular society. A huge honor it was, not only to be in the presence of these three fine gentlemen, but to join them in this banquet to show support of the university and its athletics. I was ever so humbled of the environment in which I found myself, then more so shaking hands with President Floyd, who knew the people in my party. Like trying to perfect the toilet liner in a public bathroom, I almost felt like I didn't belong in the crowd and would have felt more comfortable in my own living room watching the game on television.

President Elson Floyd spoke for a few moments recognizing certain people in the audience (including one person in my company), finally leading up to the introduction of the new athletic director, Bill Moos. I understand that certain people at the University of Oregon are glad to be done with Bill Moos for dumping the wrestling program while other academically gifted people may not enjoy the effects of what Bill brought to the university with the influx of financial resources; however, he helped bring the Oregon football and basketball programs to the national stage in recognition with the football program becoming one of the most consistent and successful teams in the nation with recruitment seen from all corners of the country. Mr. Moos, a fellow alum of WSU, began by admitting that he thought that he was going to retire from Oregon when President Floyd offered him his dream job, AD at Washington State University. He continued talking about the area he lived in years ago and how he has come back home. His words of hope and a bright future were articulated in a way that made me feel like I was an alum, too, and knew that the football team was well on its way to 10-win seasons again. Once he was done, part of the marching band and the mascot and the cheerleaders all came into the large room and played and danced to a few songs - including the fight song, of course. Shortly after they were finished, my good friend wanted to introduce me to Bill Moos. I met him and shook his hand and was humbled again because of my great love of college football and seeing "behind the scenes" of where it all starts - with a man that has ideas. My slight awkwardness was gone after getting so pumped up and I was ready to get to the game.

The game itself didn't go as well as the luncheon because the thoughts of grandeur were left behind when the players had to go out and bring the ideas of success to fruition on the field. They were getting outplayed in most aspects of the game. All in attendance were getting frustrated with the lack of execution of the plays offensively and defensively. I noticed Cougar fans getting frustrated with each other yelling and fights almost breaking out. Frustration was expressed toward the coaching staff and of course, the refs. The first three quarters were so long. I wasn't sure if the game was ever going to end. Like the automatic flushing toilet dragging liner after liner into the sewer, the Cougars seemed destined to lose this game. WSU trailed 22-7 starting the 4th and final quarter. With time slowly taking the Cougars out of the game, the defense came up big a couple times to help the offense get some needed points, making it 23-22 to take the lead. The defense needed one more stop to maintain the lead for good. They did it by getting another turn-over with just over a minute remaining in the game. The Cougar offense got in victory formation and downed the ball - but Montana State still had two timeouts left and ended up using them. Because WSU took a knee in three consecutive plays, they did not get a first down and the clock did not run out, so they had to punt and put the defense back on the field. Ugh! Who managed that clock? Yet, more frustration. So, Montana State had 20-some seconds left to take the ball 70-plus yards for the touchdown and much fewer yards to get close enough for a field goal. Finally, with one, maybe two plays remaining, on their own 30 yard line, Montana State looked as though they were done; however, the look of the defense may have give them hope with the defensive backs all the way back to the goal line and 10-yard line for a "Hail Mary" pass. I guess they must have thought that the freshman quarterback for Montana State could toss the ball 80 yards. Luckily for the Cougars, a timeout was called and Coach Wulff had a teaching moment with the defense to get the defensive backs marched up to the 40-yard line instead. The defense was able to hold on and time expired and the Cougars won the game. As the final seconds ticked away from the game clock, a huge, overwhelming sigh of relief came across the majority of the crowd; like the good feeling and relief you get after leaving the anxious trip to the restroom. Phew!

Overall, the experience I had traveling into Palouse country to go to a Washington State football game in the early fall, was amazing! I had a great day with a great friend, who treated me like a king and spoiled me rotten. I came home with a feeling of great humility and a intriguing feeling of whether to attend a football game again because everything else will never compare to the wonderful time I had that day on the Palouse!