Experiencing the Palouse

Have you ever used a public toilet that has the automatic flushing capability and the thin paper lining for the seat? If not, you're in luck because this will help you in your future struggles. If you have, then you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that the experience can be slightly awkward and a bit frustrating but ultimately feeling good. If you are anything like me, you try to avoid using public toilets for as long as bearably possible, so when you finally have to take the plunge, it's relatively urgent. Swiftly, you enter the restroom and find a clear stall to plant your buds for the next few minutes. After wiping the seat of random piddle, while leaning forward, you get your lining from the back wall and tear out the center piece leaving the tongue-shaped part hanging, and precisely place it over the seat carefully covering the entire seat (not leaving a bit of it exposed - for those fellow germaphobes). Just dealing with the liner makes things a little awkward because it's always nice to "sit and go", like at home. As you raise back up to undo your pants, the flush begins and the swirling water grabs your paper hanging tongue to drag your lining away into the abyss of sewage. Ugh! This is where the frustration begins and has potential to climax at a very high level. At that point you either give up on the lining, if urgency is an issue; or you have to get creative to find a way to outsmart the "eye of the toilet" - you know, that motion detector that tells the water to flow because the squatter has left the seat, so don't delay. Well, here is my advice that has worked for me: act like a four year-old boy and pull your pants all the way down to your ankles before getting the lining from the back wall, then as soon as you have the lining placed, it is easy to spin around with your hiney to sit quickly enough that just in case the detector is especially sensitive, you will already be sitting on the liner to secure it from flushing down. Then you may proceed. If you don't outsmart the toilet quickly, the thing could flush about three to four times by the time you have safely sat on a liner-covered toilet seat. How does that conserve water? At least the toilet is not getting clogged, I suppose. No matter the outcome with the liner, you will always feel relieved and good that it's over.

So, the feelings of slight awkwardness, frustration, and ultimate relief describe my recent trip to Pullman, WA, for the Washington State Cougars football game against Montana State. First, I must clarify that I traveled with and kept company among three upstanding, wonderful gentlemen who are alums and huge supporters of the university. This is where part of the slight awkward feelings initiate, for I am not a huge supporter of the Cougars of the Palouse but a huge fan of Pac-10 football. These three, kind men took me under their wings (especially one in particular who had the extra ticket for me to go) and had me join them for the luncheon before the game, which is only for those who financially give back to the school (no small sum, I assume). This luncheon is put on by the president of the university. So, the second part of slight awkwardness was felt walking into a large room filled with crimson covered tables and delightful food in the back awaiting the elite members of this particular society. A huge honor it was, not only to be in the presence of these three fine gentlemen, but to join them in this banquet to show support of the university and its athletics. I was ever so humbled of the environment in which I found myself, then more so shaking hands with President Floyd, who knew the people in my party. Like trying to perfect the toilet liner in a public bathroom, I almost felt like I didn't belong in the crowd and would have felt more comfortable in my own living room watching the game on television.

President Elson Floyd spoke for a few moments recognizing certain people in the audience (including one person in my company), finally leading up to the introduction of the new athletic director, Bill Moos. I understand that certain people at the University of Oregon are glad to be done with Bill Moos for dumping the wrestling program while other academically gifted people may not enjoy the effects of what Bill brought to the university with the influx of financial resources; however, he helped bring the Oregon football and basketball programs to the national stage in recognition with the football program becoming one of the most consistent and successful teams in the nation with recruitment seen from all corners of the country. Mr. Moos, a fellow alum of WSU, began by admitting that he thought that he was going to retire from Oregon when President Floyd offered him his dream job, AD at Washington State University. He continued talking about the area he lived in years ago and how he has come back home. His words of hope and a bright future were articulated in a way that made me feel like I was an alum, too, and knew that the football team was well on its way to 10-win seasons again. Once he was done, part of the marching band and the mascot and the cheerleaders all came into the large room and played and danced to a few songs - including the fight song, of course. Shortly after they were finished, my good friend wanted to introduce me to Bill Moos. I met him and shook his hand and was humbled again because of my great love of college football and seeing "behind the scenes" of where it all starts - with a man that has ideas. My slight awkwardness was gone after getting so pumped up and I was ready to get to the game.

The game itself didn't go as well as the luncheon because the thoughts of grandeur were left behind when the players had to go out and bring the ideas of success to fruition on the field. They were getting outplayed in most aspects of the game. All in attendance were getting frustrated with the lack of execution of the plays offensively and defensively. I noticed Cougar fans getting frustrated with each other yelling and fights almost breaking out. Frustration was expressed toward the coaching staff and of course, the refs. The first three quarters were so long. I wasn't sure if the game was ever going to end. Like the automatic flushing toilet dragging liner after liner into the sewer, the Cougars seemed destined to lose this game. WSU trailed 22-7 starting the 4th and final quarter. With time slowly taking the Cougars out of the game, the defense came up big a couple times to help the offense get some needed points, making it 23-22 to take the lead. The defense needed one more stop to maintain the lead for good. They did it by getting another turn-over with just over a minute remaining in the game. The Cougar offense got in victory formation and downed the ball - but Montana State still had two timeouts left and ended up using them. Because WSU took a knee in three consecutive plays, they did not get a first down and the clock did not run out, so they had to punt and put the defense back on the field. Ugh! Who managed that clock? Yet, more frustration. So, Montana State had 20-some seconds left to take the ball 70-plus yards for the touchdown and much fewer yards to get close enough for a field goal. Finally, with one, maybe two plays remaining, on their own 30 yard line, Montana State looked as though they were done; however, the look of the defense may have give them hope with the defensive backs all the way back to the goal line and 10-yard line for a "Hail Mary" pass. I guess they must have thought that the freshman quarterback for Montana State could toss the ball 80 yards. Luckily for the Cougars, a timeout was called and Coach Wulff had a teaching moment with the defense to get the defensive backs marched up to the 40-yard line instead. The defense was able to hold on and time expired and the Cougars won the game. As the final seconds ticked away from the game clock, a huge, overwhelming sigh of relief came across the majority of the crowd; like the good feeling and relief you get after leaving the anxious trip to the restroom. Phew!

Overall, the experience I had traveling into Palouse country to go to a Washington State football game in the early fall, was amazing! I had a great day with a great friend, who treated me like a king and spoiled me rotten. I came home with a feeling of great humility and a intriguing feeling of whether to attend a football game again because everything else will never compare to the wonderful time I had that day on the Palouse!

Tailgating Is So....

Week 1 in NCAA college football is behind us with so many questions still unanswered regarding the 120 teams in Division 1. Now, if you've read any of my prior posts, you know that I can't always get straight into football talk. Something on my mind lately is how old I'm getting. To some, I'm still a young pup; however, to most, I'll be entering mid-life crisis shortly. The other day, I went to the eye doctor (very young, attractive woman without glasses) and she mentioned something like, "you're getting to the age..." and that's all I heard. It was a blow to the ego (that was never there to begin with) after noticing a cute smirk on her face with hopes of her thinking I looked young for my age. That's okay because I took my astigmatism in my right eye straight to the outdoor gear store to get some shoe strings for my boots that I haven't been able to wear for about a year to prove to myself that a guy "getting to the age" can still be active - even though I don't look it. Well, the young thing that helped me there is lucky to be legal to drink, but was very willing to help me find the proper laces for my boots. She actually suggested to get small, round climbing rope for better strength, better knots, and better price. She was a genius! So, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and put her to the test on purchasing the proper backpacking pack. Again, she impressed and wasn't too proud to get close enough to measure my back for frame size - even someone "getting to the age" with a astigmatism. I might have to go back in there to show her my new look with her laces to show my appreciation (I'd like to get that pack, too).

Then, a few days ago, I went to the library to see if they had this fairly popular book. I looked for a bit and realized that I didn't know the title nor the name of the author. Instead of leaving immediately, I stayed and looked around thinking that something I saw would jar my memory and remember the name of the book. Well, I'm still puzzled to this day and can't figure out how I'm going to get the name of that blasted book. I wasted an hour, I think. So, I'm getting astigmatisms AND I'm losing my mind. I guess my steel trap mind is no longer letting things back in or something. Am I really getting that old?

This age thing has gotten me thinking of tailgating of all things. Strange, huh? Maybe that's an age thing, too. So, my best friend from high school is having his 40th birthday this fall. Each year he goes to Corvallis to tailgate before the Oregon State game at Reeser Stadium. Fortunately for him, there have been three years straight that the Beavers have had a home game the weekend of his birthday. I have tailgated only a time or two with other non-drinkers, so I don't know what to expect when I get to Corvallis to surprise my buddy at the game around lots of people drinking. Am I too old and boring to feel like I might not enjoy it? I'm sure it all depends on where you are tailgating, so the atmosphere may be more pleasant than imagined. I have all these thoughts of tailgating and what it must be like for someone much younger than myself and how it may be a different experience entirely. I'm sure that tailgating in the Southeast would be spectacular with tons of fans to chat football and the co-eds everywhere, like; LSU, Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, or Ol' Miss. Plus, I would love to experience the game atmosphere at places like those in the Southeast, or storied programs like Michigan, Texas, Ohio State, Miami, Notre Dame, Nebraska, or USC.

So, when I head to Corvallis this fall, I will have to go with an open mind and minimal expectations of "how to" tailgate. I will be positive because there will be the love of the game all around me which will drown any concerns. Maybe I will need to be careful not to get carried away by enjoying myself too much. I suppose that could happen. I mean, it is an OSU game, so any school that is a State University would provide fun for any young guy trying to hang out with some pretty girls. It would be easy to approach a said pretty girl and say, "I need U!" Obviously, there would be a puzzled look on the young girl's face, "You need me?!?" Judging by how she says the word "YOU", the quick fix would be, "Yes! I have the 'O' on my chest, my buddy over there has the 'S' on his, so we're looking for someone to put on the 'U'." Innocent enough, right? Why not? Then if things seem to progress some, you could play a bit and say something like, "Ya know, I think your 'S' is better than my buddy's - he should be the 'U'." I'm sure you would need to be careful saying "S" to keep it "innocent", still. I guess if I were younger, I would want to tailgate every week. Whoever invented it is amazing! The keys seem to be bringing your spirit and don't be a jerk to the fans of the opponent. That's another cool thing about tailgating - mingling with the "enemy". When I went to a Huskies game in Seattle a couple years ago, they were playing Ohio State and the majority of the fans were really great and cordial. I loved that! I don't think anybody should make a butt of themselves at a cool place like a football game.

Pending that I'm not getting too old to tailgate, I am really looking forward to the game in Corvallis (even though Oregon State is not the preferred team to travel to). Time seems to be at a stand-still, but now that the games have actually begun, it will pass a little more rapidly. So, if anyone has any advice for me regarding tailgating or how to act in enemy territories or how to age more gracefully, please, I invite you to respond and I would welcome your advice.